Mom

I find myself winding down the familiar curves of 81 again

This time headed back into town 

As always

I count the miles to destination 

in increments of 10

Currently in the 270s

Blue sky white clouds green foliage

Endless asphalt road

18 wheelers barreling down 

either side of the road

Kenworth Peterbilt Freightliner Volvo

I test my memory 

how many  I can recognize 

Tomorrow is a truck audit 

the practiced knowledge will come in handy

4 hours is a lot of time to think

to consider my life 

Lately I've been able to cry again

I'm pretty sure I've cried three times this week

It's a wonderful feeling to not have the tears Frozen within me

I'm slowly beginning to accept my life

My parents came to visit a week ago

My mom and I get along

But we don't always relate

Much of how I think and process is from my dad

By way of nature or nurture or a mixture of both

 

I am mid-conversation

explaining all of my recent trips 

my mom interjects, 

' she's running away'

I know in my heart I am too

I ask her to repeat her words

She says, ' I know it's not the same

But when your dad and I married

 he shipped out a week later

And I ran away

I couldn't stand being 

in that empty apartment 

So I made myself busy night.

And I traveled every weekend

 I finally became so exhausted

That I didn't care about the empty

And then I made a point to stay'

At this point in the story

I expand with joy 

And I feel a sense of relief

In this exact moment I get to be a kid and my mom knows exactly where I'm coming from

The rest will eventually take care of itself

I'll figure out what I need to do

And where I need to be

But In this moment 

I have what I need 

To help the hurt

I have my mom.