Locusts

Locusts

The sound encompasses me

It is deafening

Hundreds of wings moving air

Creating a noise similar to tires on the highway

Or the rushing of water

Multitudes 

Emerging from the ground

Born only to eat and then die

Ravaging all that they touch

Trying to satiate a hunger they cannot

Pushing forward

Unaware of the hopelessness

Driven by a purpose carried deep within their DNA

I could learn from the locust

I can learn to pause

I can learn to be intentional

I can bear in mind the cause and effects of my actions

In this way I may satiate a hunger in a way that heals me.

Imbolc 2020

In the deepest cold

When the world is covered in snow and ice

When unforgiving winds

Cut through to our souls

Even in this time

When we look beneath the surface

Life continues

Life thrives

Patiently waiting

For a cue, a sign

To burst through the dark

And fight for existence

Continuing the cycle of life.

My Friend

I hear your pain

And my heart cries

Your voice is empty

Devoid of hope

Barely treading water

It is my tendency to rush in

To carry that which is not mine to hold

Thereby depleting myself

And dishonoring your growth

I did not always understand

Pain must be felt alone

I am learning 

That to stand alone 

And to be alone

Are not, one in the same

Tonight I stand quietly by you

As you endure your emptiness

Within your solitude

Your angst

You journey further

And deeper

Into that which is uniquely

You.

Tonight I offer you my silence

Silence given in love

Silence so you may grieve in your way

Tonight I offer my energy

In meditation

Knowing I cannot fill you

Knowing I cannot empty myself

We cannot exist in parts of a whole

We must be as we are

Two unique spirits

Blending to create a friendship

Each entity

Whole

Separate

Unique

Navigating in tandem

Thriving independently

To gift myself my source must be infinite

I imagine my light

Whole

Brilliant

Inextinguishable

Replenishing

This abundance is my gift

To glean as you need

As you choose

In your time

Know as you travel alone 

In your current pain

I walk beside you.

Illuminate

There is a light

Glimmering

Within me

Someone important once told me this

He told me

In times of need

To close my eyes

To see the flame

And to grow that flame 

until it takes up 

every inch of space 

within me

I have taken this flame for granted

Assuming it will always be there

I check on it 

just to be sure it is lit

But have not tended 

nor care for it as I should

Sputtering

Crying out

Pleading for nourishment

Sustenance

I wave it away

You are lit, I say

That is enough.

That is not enough.

This light

This constant flame

Stirring within me

Yearns to grow

Yearns to overtake

Yearns to be so brilliant

So powerful

That it would burst through me

Synchronously touching those i touch

This light would will itself to emanate 

through my fingertips

through my eyes

through my smile

Rendering me whole 

solely through it's existence

The light wills this

And

If I am the light

I can will no less.

My Heart

My heart is a force all her own

Wild and free

Unbridled

She will not be restrained 

She will not back down

She leads me astray,

Or so distills my logic.

There is a beauty in something so raw,

so free

And there is pain

She is not balanced

She is full spectrum

She is ravishing 

And she ravishes

There is no 10,000 foot view

There is only the moment

And in that moment

She radiates

She blooms

She withers

She dies

Each time choosing

To regenerate

A slightly different heart

The same melodic beat.

Alone

4:00 am is a lonely time

I turn over

Slowly rising to consciousness

I don't often forget now

I remember not to reach my hand over

I remember he is not there

It used to be bittersweet to forget 

sweet still existed, even in bittersweet

I take my hand

The one I would reach across the span of the bed

To gently touch his back 

I take that hand

I place it on the skin of my stomach

I feel the touch

I close my eyes

I move my hand

Over to my side

I feel my skin

In my silence I feel my heartbeat

I ache to engulf myself within

My own arms and hold myself

As if I were a child to be comforted

My tears have fallen

For the moment they are gone

My head hurts

My heart hurts

When it is time to wake up

I will smile

I will live 

I will thrive

At 4:00 am 

I will understand alone.

2019 - a meditation

2019 brought despair
2019 balanced this with a matched joy
Amid these two
This girl recognizes her life
her precarious existence
Bound within these two places
she ponders with amazement
And wonder
As she watches
The metronome of time
changing its tempo
Moment to moment
As is the way of the living

With every experience
she races to match the beat.
But she is learning
When she Stills
She can watch
She can listen
She can be
Existing within this life
she is creating
Instead of feeling a step behind.